Memories
by frenic
Summary: Duo reminisces about his past, the alcohol is probably not a good idea.


Disclaimer: These characters are not mine, and neither is the Gundam Wing series. If however, they were mine they would be doing far more obscene things and I would be incredibly rich, and not have to worry about funding university in 2002. 

**NOTE:**If yaoi (ie m/m relationships and suicide offend you do not read for both of our wellbeings. Flames only make me depressed and when I'm depressed I write more of this genre. So constructive criticism only please.   
[thoughts] "speech" *emphasis* 

**Memories**

He sat alone in the deserted building, watching as the battle unfolded in the sky above him. [How can something so destructive look so graceful from a distance?] It was a small skirmish, a pathetic fight that would end up with a lot of bloodshed, but would accomplish little. He sighed, attempting to release the tension within his body. It failed so he resorted to lighting up a cigarette instead. It didn't even taste good, but he smoked it anyway. His mind began to wander, so he necked back a few mouthfuls of the Vodka that he had picked up on the way here, but instead of suppressing it only served to fuel the memories. It burned as it made its way down his oesophagus and into his stomach, the only warmth he was going to feel. Life just seemed so cold now that he was alone... 

*** 

The boy was sat on the bed, clad only in tight lycra shorts. While he had been gone the boy had rid himself of all but his lower half of clothing. Admittedly there wasn't much clothing to be removed, but never the less, there he was topless on the bed. The American boy watched the Japanese boy as pulled off his socks and discarded them to the steadily growing pile on the floor. The American boy couldn't help but fantasise about those muscles and that firm, toned body. It was impossible to hide his arousal.   
The Japanese boy stared, eyeing the long wavy hair that had been freshly released from its confining plait. It cascaded around the American boy's shoulders, framing his face, making him look almost angelic. The couple remained in the awe-struck position for what seemed like hours. The angel broke the silence,  
"Whatcha starin at Hee-man?"   
Heero growled "Don't *ever* call me that!"  
Duo took the bait, "Why? Whatcha gonna do about it Hee-man?"  
With that Heero sprang off the bed and, pinning Duo to the floor, kissed him fiercely. Duo gasped, never expecting to feel such passion from the perfect soldier. Heero remained in this dominative position as he slid his hand down Duo's chest, across his stomach and along the inside of his thigh. He hovered there, gently rubbing his fingers painstakingly close to Duo's groin, enjoying every moan and whimper coming from the Deathscythe pilot's lips... 

*** 

Duo finished his cigarette and carelessly flicked the filter away, not caring where is landed. He gulped another mouthful of the cheap, burning liquor before lighting up again. [Why does everything I care for always disappear?] More memories began to flood through his brain... 

*** 

Duo woke with a start, nightmares plaguing his sleep once again. He sat up to discover that he was naked, and this was not the room that he had slept in the night before. He blinked letting his eyes become acustomed to the darkness. It was a double bed, the empty space next to him still warm. He heard the shower running and remembered the evening. A tiny smile darted across his lips, fading as the shower stopped.   
[What if he regrets it? Maybe it was just a mistake and he's going to leave me now and I'll never see him again.] The fear took over his body and the demons of the past came back to haunt him once again... 

*** 

Duo could feel the alcoholic warmth easing the pain of his physical wounds, but unlike all the other times the mental scares remained untouched. He decided that now was the time to make use of the little gift that Hilde had picked him up on one of her supply runs to Europe. He pulled out the small block and set to work.   
[The last time I smoked this shit was after Heero... No! I won't think about him, I *mustn't* think about him!] The mental cry remained unheeded... 

*** 

Heero had him now, both in an Ikedo grip and the so called 'Yuy death glare'. At least this time they weren't trying to kill each other. Duo gasped, his trousers suddenly becoming painfully tight. Heero released his grip, but only to shed Duo of the offending clothing before hoisting him onto the bed. The pair kissed passionately. Duo reached out to touch Heero but was pinned down. It was almost as if Heero was afraid of the advances. Duo somehow found the courage to speak,  
"Heero, why are you backing away from me?"  
Heero looked at Duo, almost in shock. "Shut up." He was about to continue when he saw the pained look in Duo's eyes. Heero's face softened, "Duo what's the matter? You look scared. I'm sorry, but I'm a little nervous."   
Duo jumped up, his breathing erratic. He fled into the bathroom, slamming the door behind him. Heero heard the lock click shut. He cursed himself and banged his head on the wall. From behind the door he could hear the muffled sobs of a distraut teenage boy, and for once the sound hurt... 

*** 

Duo attempted to drink again, but found the bottle empty. He cursed and hurled the bottle to its demise against the wall, enjoying the sound of it shattering into thousands of shards. He looked into the cracked mirror he had brough with him. "I hate you." The boy told the reflection and the reflection told the boy. The boy looked at himself properly and saw the blood running down his arms. On the floor lay a bloodstained blade. His wounds would not cause any damage, but they gave him an idea.   
"Heero look what you've done to me. You don't even care do you? ***you dont even care!!!!***" 

*** 

Duo could only concentrate on the body that was driving him crazy with tiny kisses all over his own naked body. Right now all the troubles were gone. It was just Heero and Duo. Heero worked his way down Duo's stomach, each touch making Duo's hips jolt like he couldn't take any more. Heero chuckled, knowing *exactly* what he was doing. After 10 minutes of teasing he decided to end the torturous feelings that burned inside him. Heero took Duo's erection in his mouth and slowly massaged it with his tongue, savouring every single muscle contraction and sound coming from Duo. He didn't take long to drive him over the edge, exploding into Heero's mouth... 

*** 

[Yes Heero, it didn't take you long to drive me over the edge did it? Well I'm over a different edge now, and I wish you were here to see it.] Duo scrawled a final note, saying goodbye and indicating where his few possessions should be doled out.   
[You see Heero, you could have stayed and given me one brief moment of happiness, but you left. I woke up and you were gone. You left me. The last thing I cared about and you left me you bastard. *I loved you and you fucking left me!*]  
he looked into the mirror again and carefully picked up the blade. He eyed the light glinting from it, his vision blurred from the mixture of alcohol, cannabis and an overdose of paracetamol. He mouthed the word 'goodbye' as he made three slashes across each wrist. A deep red stained the white trim of his priest outfit and dripped onto the floor. It didn't take long for the blackness to overcome him. 

*** 

The footsteps uo the stairs were frantic, as the Wing Gundam pilot searched every floor and every room until he found the one that held his lover. The pained cry could be heard on the street below, even though they were on the fourth floor.   
"**NO! DUO!!**" 

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Comments please.


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